16 June 2013
Antisocial is a TERRIBLE habit i would say, but i can't help myself being like that.
I hate myself being such a ANTISOCIAL person, such a low confident person. *sick of it*
And i'm feeling 'extra' EMO today.... facing all my bad habits at once.. feeling so helpless right now :/
Forgive me, am going to blog about some crap tonight because someone scolded me for being antisocial today. So i spent my night thinking about it..The problems.
Well, It's my "LONELY" time again, staying alone at home...spending time with myself in my room.. thinking about myself, and i started feeling emotional.. very emotional.
read my mind :
I think i'm a very weird person, i don't like going out. Sometimes, I don't like going out because i don't know how to social these people, i'm stressed out...I'm definitely not an out going person when i'm wit strange people.. i don't know what should i say... i scare people staring at my bad skin..sometimes i feel uncomfortable when people looking at me.. I'll just keep quiet and playing with my phone when i feel not comfortable. I wanna make friends but i'm too shy and don't know how to keep a conversation going, it's like i'm out of topic or am i TOO LAZY TO TALK, i don't know!! I can hardly have a conversation with someone. I cant be an initiative person...i don't like to be the first person to talk, i don't know what to react, i'm not sure whether that person like me or not... this and that...Even when there's people came and talk to me, i still feeling uncomfortable and so wanted to LEAVE. LOL!! I really need some time to get myself into the situation. FML seriously... There's always moment like this, so i'd rather stay in with the close one than go out. Sigh, All these problem make me seems so unapproachable! I know this is wrong, but i don't know how to change it.
Don't get me wrong, i'm not that kinda girl who just keep quiet and hiding inside the room.hmmm...
I'm actually a very very TALKATIVE person... but it just happens when i'm with my closest friend.
YES, i know it's funny. I don't seems antisocial at all. It's ridiculous, I had so many 'Facebook friends', hi-bye friends and i had more than 600 contacts in my phone list.. BUT i had NO ONE to talk to and i've no idea who can i call when i feel like hanging out..... *what a joke*
It's pretty dilemma, i don't know how to explain. I'm so stressed out.
In fact, there's so many thoughts in my mind... but i'm just not good in describing myself. *slap slap*
can i cry...i'm not suppose to be like that!!!!!!!!! :(