24 April 2015
I'm in the 12 weeks of #LJFITCHALLENGE now! Just got my kit today from Lorna Jane Malaysia.
By looking at the kit and guide, it reminds me of how much i've slacked. From the beginning until now. I really missed how i used to be. I used to be so hardcore, so motivated. My life is all about GYM GYM GYM, EAT CLEAN EAT CLEAN & EAT CLEAN, and guess what. I enjoyed it, i really enjoyed the soreness, the pain, the efforts i've put it, the feeling of challenging myself..pushing myself to the next level. That's truly unforgettable and amazing feeling ever.
Here's a screenshot of my (Body Progress) in my external hard disc. Yes, i do keep track all of my progress when i first started to workout. As you see, all the photo is without my head, HAHAHA!
You know why? I bet you know…if you read my blog...
In case you don't, this is the reason why i aways capture my body without my head.
Nahh, Cause my face is too ugly to show. Full of acne. That's the time when i really into fitness, working REAL hard on my body cause i don't have a pretty face. No event to attend, no job, no nothing. Just hiding myself in my own world and FOCUS on changing my body.
For those who used to read my fitness posts and expecting me to blog more about fitness. I'm sorry. I felt lost right after i broke up with my ex, cause he is the one who inspire me to workout, setting goal for me etc. I've no idea what to do next, what kind of body should i work for, what i'm lacking, how can i push myself and all. That's the reason why you rarely see me sharing about my fitness tips anymore. But after years of neglecting my blog, i still receive sponsors from some sports brand recently. Something that i wish for when i first started to workout. BUT, i felt guilty, i feel demotivated, i feel like i don't deserve these..cause i'm not working hard right now, not working hard like i used to. As a blogger, i really hope i can do everything well, i don't want to disappoint my readers and my clients.
You know what, sometimes i really feel like giving up my blog because i doesn't feel confident with my own body anymore. There's so much people out there who worked harder than me. By looking at these photo in IG makes me feel so left out and demotivated to push myself. The *not good enough* feeling kills. Of course, I'm a human being too. Honestly, There is a time when i get really demotivated, fat, helpless, weak, giving up, negativity overload. People don't know how much i've slacked because i didn't share it. Just because i didn't show it doesn't mean that i'm not. I do believe that, no one likes to see NEGATIVITY, that's why i'm trying not to show any. But today, i really wanna "bla" it out.
I do have bloated stomach, covered with fats too. I do have time when i can't fit my jeans. really, lol
This 2 years, my body is like ON & OFF session. There's a time i hit the gym and there is a time i don't even go to gym for months. SERIOUSLY! hahahaha. But no matter what, i will still try to keep myself active. Not HARDCORE, but just trying to stay active.
Do i still EAT CLEAN? Of course not!
I don't eat completely clean, i still eat Nasi Lemak, Laksa, Prawn Mee, Burger etc. But i don't eat it everyday, every meal. I still controlling myself "a tiny bit" on my food intake, trying to eat in a healthier way. Avoid sugar drinks, avoid too much oily food. Whenever i feel FAT, i will just go for a 20-30 minutes run outside my house. I'm not sure whether it helps or not, but just to make myself feel less guilty. *my kind of mindset* Hahahaha.
One bad meal won't make you fat, just like one good meal won't make you lean
This is a comparison photo of 2013 & 2015. Now you see the different huh. Looking at all these old photo only i realized that how much my body had changed. SLAP ME PLEASE!
I DON'T WANNA BE LIKE THAT ANYMORE! I DON'T WANT T______T
Please witness this moment for me, here's a NEW BODY GOAL i set for myself.
A define six packs is what i'm aiming for, all these years! I don't wanna slack anymore!
Hopefully now it's a good chance to WORK IT.
Let's do it, for myself now. Once again
Let's do it, for myself now. Once again